What better way to get in the holiday spirit than discovering what Halloween weapons you can use to cut grass? Exactly, that’s why we put together this list for you! To find what weapon best suites your needs this fall.
1. Sickle/Scythe
This agricultural tool is easily one of the best tools you could choose for cutting your grass. This is because the curvature in the blade is ideal for slicing perfectly cut grass. All you need to do is bunch up some grass in one hand and in the other, use the sickle to trim the top of the bunched grass off. Repeat until the entire yard is cut. Additionally, if you want to minimize back pain from bending over (because who wouldn’t), use the larger version of the sickle called a scythe. The handle and blade are much longer making it easier to cut abundantly large amounts of grass compared to the sickle. If you look up on YouTube “cutting grass with scythe” you’ll find a plethora of tutorials on how to properly use a scythe for cutting your grass. Don’t forget to put on a long, black, hooded robe to keep warm while cutting.
2. Chainsaw
This popular tool among Texans is going to be your fastest method for cutting your grass. These days, chainsaws with advanced cutting technology have the capability to cut your grass in no time! Your money will be best spent on a 20 inch gas chainsaw. You’ll cut more grass in less time and the sound of that two-stroke engine is mind-numbingly peaceful. Directions are simple, just lift the chainsaw far above your head and then swiftly bring it down, but be sure to turn the blade sideways right before it’s about to touch the grass. Practice it a few times to get a good, fluid motion before cutting. Disclaimer: When using the chainsaw to cut your grass, its sheer power will likely upheave the grass clippings, causing a shower of tiny green leaf blades to befall on you. Sometimes it’s best to wear a mask (especially if you’re allergic to grass) to protect yourself. We recommend a leather mask for headwear.
Best time to chainsaw your grass: Dusk
3. Machete
This tool is a very large knife that requires precaution and safety tips before using since it is meant for “chopping” and “slashing”. To avoid any lacerations or puncture wounds, be sure to look directly at the cut line and hack the machete away from your body at a 45 degree angle. A mask is also recommended for this tool while severing the tips of your turf grass. A hockey mask is optimal for machete cutting because the holes provide breathability while chopping and slashing. You’ll be happy with this decision when you realize what a sweat you’re working up throwing that machete around! To keep up with cutting your lawn this way, mark your calendar every Friday for a mellow afternoon lawn slaying. Disclaimer: Your lawn will look very choppy and uneven being that you have actually chopped at your grass.
Friday’s here, ready to grassassinate.
4. Claw Gloves
Since this nifty tool is much smaller than the others, the volume of grass that can be cut with these are in no way substantial enough for regular cutting/mowing; which is why these metallic daggers are perfect for trimming and edging. The greatest part, they can be used for those hard-to-reach areas or give a clean, finished look after power cleaving your yard with a giant knife. Just think of them as terrifying grass shears on gloves (so they’re great for pruning too). The slew of small blades allows for more accurate trimming and a more consistent cut, so go Edward Scissorhands on your lawn with these gloves because you know you’re dying to try it.
5. Axe
The axe is easily the most impractical weapon on this list, so if you can get your hands on a medieval battle axe, your lawn will be in much better shape. The battle axe should be double-sided, this way you can do twice the damage. They don’t usually sell these at the hardware store, so try checking a collectible store or eBay. (The larger the axe, the better)! Take the double-sided axe and hold it parallel to the ground, swinging it back and forth to cut the blades of grass. This will be somewhat heavy and you’ll likely lose control of where you are swinging, so you may want to look into a full suit of metal body armor. A gold crown and steed are not necessary for this task, but should you find yourself buying them, it’s totally fine.
There you have it! 5 completely reasonable ways to cut your grass while keeping the Halloween spirit alive (unlike your lawn).
**We hope you all enjoyed this blog post, however please keep in mind this is just for fun in the spirit of Halloween! Please do not attempt any of these dangerous ways to cut your grass. Except the scythe, that is an actual tool for efficiently cutting grass, but you should definitely be trained to handle such a large device if you really want to use the Grim Reaper’s weapon of choice to cut your grass. Happy Halloween everyone and stay safe!
Sources for pictures are listed below in the order of use:
http://www.instructables.com/id/Grim-Reaper-Scythe/
https://www.pinterest.com/extranerdy/extra-nerdy-t-shirts/
https://www.amazon.com/Nightmare-Street-Deluxe-Freddy-Glove/dp/B000A0YPPQ
Film Review: Tim Burton’s ‘Edward Scissorhands’
https://www.medieval-weaponry.co.uk/acatalog/denix-s-valkyrie-battle-axe.html
